How to Take Time For Yourself in a Relationship


Guys—let's be real for a second. I am SO BAD AT THIS. Seriously. I am the worst.

I'm a traditional introvert: I gain energy by being alone. I need long periods of time to be by myself, refresh and recharge, and just do my own thing without answering to anyone.

But being in a relationship (and living with your significant other) means that you don't always get to do what you want or need. Sometimes you come home from a long day at work and have a date night scheduled, and you want to crawl under the covers and be alone but you have to rally. And sometimes you're cooking dinner together and then just end up hanging out all night, instead of taking that much-needed alone time you promised yourself you would.

This is something I'm actively working on—so I'm no expert—but I wanted to share the things I'm doing to ensure I take as much time for myself as possible and wanted to share them with you.

one // schedule it, like anything else on your calendar

I live and die by my calendar, whether it's at work or in my personal life. It's like my bible: what my calendar says, goes. So if you want to make any change in your life (professional, personal or other) why not carve out time for it, and treat it like a job? Taking care of yourself—and taking time for yourself—is a job, so act accordingly.

two // be nicer to yourself

I am speaking to myself here because I can be WAY too hard on myself. If I have plans set aside to be alone but end up breaking them (things come up!) I will beat myself up over it and ask what I did wrong. Sometimes, even five minutes of alone time is enough (and all you're going to get that day) and that's okay: you have to just do what you can, when you can, and tell yourself it's all going to be okay.

three // get out of the house

If you're having a hard time finding time for yourself at home (especially if your partner is always there), leave the house! Whether it's meeting up with friends or doing something solo, it can be nice to change that scenery, go for a walk, clear your head, or do something you love doing that's away from grand central.

four // find your own thing

Everyone needs something that is just theirs—and no one else's. For me, that's blogging. It's the thing I get lost in and that I can focus on for hours, and feel so good about when I'm done. That's my thing. What's yours? It's important in relationships to meet the other person halfway in terms of interests and shared goals, but also keep something for yourself, that just you have.

five // set boundaries + communicate them

If you need something in your relationship (like alone time!) and you're not getting it, have a real talk with your partner about why you need it (it allows you to recharge + be in a better mindset for the time you do spend together!) and what you're proposing. Setting these boundaries in a relationship and sticking to them is a healthy way to take time for yourself, without insulting someone else or putting them down.

do you have trouble taking time for yourself in your relationship? let me know!